A coterie of some of the most heinous personalities on the internet (and Jim Davis) came together to release a nasty hit piece on the Mean Bean Enquirer earlier this evening, and we will not stand for it.
The CDC (Catch Dem Clowns) has announced a national crisis in your area. There’s a “killer clown” just outside your fence in the neighborhood woods armed with the most dangerous weapon known to man: a mouth that’s breathing openly into the outdoor air that MIGHT contain a virus.
“Honestly, if you just look at these people who are doing this to themselves, they’re just not mentally well. Why would someone ever fart in the shower? That’s objectively the worst place to fart!” quoted esteemed flatulence researcher and Editor-in-Chief at Farts Weekly, Dr. Hannah Frankenwitz, D.D.S.
I am the one hiding on your plate,
You’ll all run and scream when I sublimate. 👻
I am the one that is good for your heart,
The more you eat, the more you DART! (to a nearby restroom.)
Serve severed-finger hors d’oeuvres so realistic that your horrified guests scream and ask if they’re real. Then you say, “No, of course not,” and claim they’re disgusting for even thinking such a thing because of course they’re not real, you’re just serving your guests realistic *imitations* of severed fingers, which is totally *not* gross. 🎃
They don’t call me one flu over the cuckoo’s nest for nothing! Now they call me 25 flu over the cuckoo’s nest for various deals and savings. Target and Publix may offer $5 and $10 gift cards when you get a flu shot, but that’s just the tip of the syringceberg…