COVID-Plagued Denver Broncos Announce Next QB: You

After Denver’s first, second, third, and fourth quarterbacks all went down with the Wuhan Coof, and the Raiders already drafted Air Bud, the team has been forced to make what may be the worst choice it’s ever made: you.

Evil Clown Spotted in the Woods, Terrorizing People By Breathing in Public

The CDC (Catch Dem Clowns) has announced a national crisis in your area. There’s a “killer clown” just outside your fence in the neighborhood woods armed with the most dangerous weapon known to man: a mouth that’s breathing openly into the outdoor air that MIGHT contain a virus.

Fauci Announces that Santa Isn’t Real; You Were the Reason for Your Parents’ Divorce

Fauci says glass not only half empty, but completely empty, and it was made by child slaves.