We cannot fight this any longer. Mean Bean Enquirer avoids political stories, so in other news there’s… nothing. No Jesuses on toast. There wasn’t a local schoolboy who raised money for the homeless. No one’s grandma’s turned 110. Our local city horse or mascot didn’t escape. We’ve got absolutely nothing. Scientists didn’t decide eggs giveContinue reading “We Usually Avoid Politics, But…”
Mean Bean Enquirer is so eager to get new readers, we spent our entire marketing budget hiring these two Hip-Hop Superstars to write our new theme song.
Lil Stinker and OGMCPhD Elkanah are back, and by back, we mean this is their very first appearance…
“Honestly, if you just look at these people who are doing this to themselves, they’re just not mentally well. Why would someone ever fart in the shower? That’s objectively the worst place to fart!” quoted esteemed flatulence researcher and Editor-in-Chief at Farts Weekly, Dr. Hannah Frankenwitz, D.D.S.
I am the one hiding on your plate,
You’ll all run and scream when I sublimate. 👻
I am the one that is good for your heart,
The more you eat, the more you DART! (to a nearby restroom.)
Serve severed-finger hors d’oeuvres so realistic that your horrified guests scream and ask if they’re real. Then you say, “No, of course not,” and claim they’re disgusting for even thinking such a thing because of course they’re not real, you’re just serving your guests realistic *imitations* of severed fingers, which is totally *not* gross. 🎃