The CDC (Catch Dem Clowns) has announced a national crisis in your area. There’s a “killer clown” just outside your fence in the neighborhood woods armed with the most dangerous weapon known to man: a mouth that’s breathing openly into the outdoor air that MIGHT contain a virus.
Now, is that “gross?” Possibly. Is it “unprofessional?” Perhaps. (I prefer to use more positive language in order to exude a more uplifting and edifyingly radiant aura, so let’s call it… “Alternatively-Focused Professionalism.” I’m also thinking of calling it “Differently-Valued Professionalism.”
Mean Bean Enquirer is so eager to get new readers, we spent our entire marketing budget hiring these two Hip-Hop Superstars to write our new theme song.
Lil Stinker and OGMCPhD Elkanah are back, and by back, we mean this is their very first appearance…
“Honestly, if you just look at these people who are doing this to themselves, they’re just not mentally well. Why would someone ever fart in the shower? That’s objectively the worst place to fart!” quoted esteemed flatulence researcher and Editor-in-Chief at Farts Weekly, Dr. Hannah Frankenwitz, D.D.S.
I am the one hiding on your plate,
You’ll all run and scream when I sublimate. 👻
I am the one that is good for your heart,
The more you eat, the more you DART! (to a nearby restroom.)
Serve severed-finger hors d’oeuvres so realistic that your horrified guests scream and ask if they’re real. Then you say, “No, of course not,” and claim they’re disgusting for even thinking such a thing because of course they’re not real, you’re just serving your guests realistic *imitations* of severed fingers, which is totally *not* gross. 🎃
North Carolina AMC Theatres are scheduled to reopen starting on October 9th, much to the delight of their notorious former bathroom-defiling vandals. “We’re back in business—ankle-deep,” one of the degenerates divulged. “I can’t wait to get in there and make the AMC bathroom look like a qualified disaster zone again.” “I’ve got all kinds ofContinue reading “AMC Theatres Reopen Oct. 9 to Bathroom Wall Poopers’ Delight”
They don’t call me one flu over the cuckoo’s nest for nothing! Now they call me 25 flu over the cuckoo’s nest for various deals and savings. Target and Publix may offer $5 and $10 gift cards when you get a flu shot, but that’s just the tip of the syringceberg…
Do we brighten your day? You don’t need to respond; we already know the answer!
“This film is a disgrace because it sexualizes and objectifies young girls. That’s just not something that you do to little girls. You do it to little boys,” the now on leave of absence Father Benjamin said.