Man finds other end of shrimp tails in cinnamon toast crunch cereal. Jensen Karp has met his match at the Mean Bean Enquirer. Funny Tweets

Man Overjoyed to Find Shrimp Heads in his Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Lifelong Honey-Flavored Oat Circles eater Cecil Clyde was shocked and delighted to find shrimp heads in his Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal this morning. 🍤 “I knew on-brand was s’pposed to be somethin’… but I never coulda imagined somethin’ like this,” he beamed. “They even chopped off the tails for me!”

Ashlee Simpson Vince Offer and Red Herring all on a 3-leaf clover for St. Patrick's Day. The triumvirate of shams.

3 SHAMs Who ROCK! ☘️

Did you know St. Patrick’s Day isn’t just a day to celebrate passive-aggressive finger assault? It’s also more than just a day to celebrate how efficiently your liver can function when your life depends on it! It’s actually a day to celebrate religion or something, but since I’m going through a rebellious phase, I don’t care about Religion anymore! 😎 Instead, today, we will talk about our top three choices for total SHAMS who totally ROCK!

Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with this Classic Irish Recipe!

Prepare your potatoes and cabbage by placing them on the counter. You won’t even use salt and pepper or water. Don’t use utensils either! This is POTATOES AND CABBAGE ONLY. If you need to cut something, strike the potatoes against each other until you’ve yielded a knife, which you can then use to cut, dice, slice, and purée the other ingredient(s).

Crap! Did I Miss Tardi Gras?

So pour one out for the true Legends of our Age: The Perpetually Tardy. And pour it into my mouth, because I didn’t get to the liquor store before they had closed, and I’d like some hooch. I’ll get you back later, promise. Trust me, you’ll get payback eventually!

Farti Gras Slowly Approaching in Large, Green Cloud

This Farti Gras, a perfect storm of Westerly Winds, a Dank Humidity, and a large Chili Cook-off have all joined forces to blow last year’s Farti Gras clear out of the murky water! You’ll have a blast, a blart, and an explosively good time navigating the Hydrogen Sulfide and Methane Mixture that’s taken all our hearts, minds, and noses, and refuses to leave, no matter how many matches we light! (Careful, too—things might get even more explosive if you’re too liberal with the flames!)

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