Man Overjoyed to Find Shrimp Heads in his Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Lifelong Honey-Flavored Oat Circles eater Cecil Clyde was shocked and delighted to find shrimp heads in his Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal this morning. š¤ āI knew on-brand was sāpposed to be somethināā¦ but I never coulda imagined somethinā like this,ā he beamed. āThey even chopped off the tails for me!ā
3 SHAMs Who ROCK! āļø
Did you know St. Patrickās Day isnāt just a day to celebrate passive-aggressive finger assault? Itās also more than just a day to celebrate how efficiently your liver can function when your life depends on it! Itās actually a day to celebrate religion or something, but since Iām going through a rebellious phase, I donāt care about Religion anymore! š Instead, today, we will talk about our top three choices for total SHAMS who totally ROCK!
Irish Beans
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, ya big lugs! #IrishSunglasses āļø š¶ļø
Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with this Classic Irish Recipe!
Prepare your potatoes and cabbage by placing them on the counter. You won’t even use salt and pepper or water. Don’t use utensils either! This is POTATOES AND CABBAGE ONLY. If you need to cut something, strike the potatoes against each other until you’ve yielded a knife, which you can then use to cut, dice, slice, and purĆ©e the other ingredient(s).
St. Paddy’s Day
Our premiere St. Patrick’s Day comic. āļø
Senate Offers Choice of Lump Sum Stimulus or $10 Annuity for the Next 140 Years
The Lump Sum is only payable in Dave & Buster’s tokens. š° Think of what you can do with an extra TEN DOLLARS each year (Well, actually, after taxes, it’s only $6): ā¢ $6 would get you a five-dollar foot-long in 2010. ā¢ $6 could get you 6 McDoubles in 2008…
The Mean Bean Enquirer is Under Attack
A coterie of some of the most heinous personalities on the internet (and Jim Davis) came together to release a nasty hit piece on the Mean Bean Enquirer earlier this evening, and we will not stand for it.
Crap! Did I Miss Tardi Gras?
So pour one out for the true Legends of our Age: The Perpetually Tardy. And pour it into my mouth, because I didn’t get to the liquor store before they had closed, and I’d like some hooch. I’ll get you back later, promise. Trust me, you’ll get payback eventually!
Farti Gras Slowly Approaching in Large, Green Cloud
This Farti Gras, a perfect storm of Westerly Winds, a Dank Humidity, and a large Chili Cook-off have all joined forces to blow last year’s Farti Gras clear out of the murky water! You’ll have a blast, a blart, and an explosively good time navigating the Hydrogen Sulfide and Methane Mixture that’s taken all our hearts, minds, and noses, and refuses to leave, no matter how many matches we light! (Careful, tooāthings might get even more explosive if you’re too liberal with the flames!)
Loading…
Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.
Follow the Mean Bean Enquirer & Times
Get breaking news, broken news, and perfectly fine news delivered directly to your inbox.